Stand by Your Man

"A virtuous and worthy wife [earnest and strong in character] is a crowning joy to her husband, but she who makes him ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." Proverbs 12:4 (AMP)

Of course when I see the phrase, Stand by Your Man, I think of the Patsy Cline song...although I cannot ever remember the rest of the words. I'd like to think I've stood by my man since we met in 1995. I mean we've been through a great deal together over the course of nearly 18 years. One that stands out the most to me and has been the driving force to our support to one another is when my husband John got a DUI back in October 2003, just 2 days before his 40th birthday. Most people would look at something like that with absolute dread. We looked at it as a way to change things for the better, sure it was rough to deal with but we chose to make a negative a positive. At this point we had been married for 5 years. 

When we met, John drank quite a bit and I was merely a social drinker. Did it bother me that he drank, no not really, but over time it began to bother me that whenever we went out he had to get wasted and I was the one left being responsible. Leading up to his DUI, I had really been struggling with my marriage. I wasn't happy with where things were heading. (I should note that my husband was never abusive to me). A month before the DUI, John had been at a friend's house drinking. He was supposed to meet me and our boys at my friend's house for a birthday party but never showed. I called his friend's house and spoke to his friend's wife, she didn't know where John was and didn't even know he had left. I went home waiting for him to walk through the doors, praying he'd walk through the doors. As I stood there thinking the worst, I thought I cannot do this anymore, he has to make a change. When he thankfully arrived home he was wasted, I don't even know how he drove himself home. The next day I told him that something had to change, that we couldn't go on like this anymore and if it didn't stop soon, I was going to leave. 

A month later, I had been planning a surprise 40th birthday party for him. I was excited, yet apprehensive about it. He always took the week of his birthday off so that he could enjoy it and get some fishing in. That same week I happened to get very sick with viral meningitis. I worked part time and was still somehow getting to work and taking care of my 11 year old and 3 year old sons. Then one day he went out fishing by himself in the morning and then later in the day went to see an old high school friend. I had only heard from him once that day and that was to tell me he was going to see Curt. Around 1030pm I called Curt's wife and asked if she had seen John, she said no but that Curt was passed out on their front porch. I hung up with her and prayed to God. I asked God to keep John safe, I said I'd take a DUI if it meant my husband changing for the better. I went to sleep and woke up a few seconds before the phone rang with a collect call from a jail in a nearby county. I woke the kids up and drove 20 miles to go get him. I didn't say a word to him when he got in the car, I just drove us all home and went to bed. That next morning, I laid in bed thinking of what I was going to say to him when I heard him sobbing on the phone to his mom in our kitchen. I knew then I didn't need to say word. Days later when we went to court to see what was going to happen, we read the police report and were astonished and amazed that he was even still alive. He was driving down the wrong side of the interstate, nearly hit a cop head on, he then drove through the grassy median to the other side of the interstate at a rate of 100mph and nearly clipped a semi trailer. The Lord surely had his hand on my husband that evening, along with the cop and any other motorists. That event, God opened my husband's eyes!!

That was almost 10 years ago. This October my husband John will be 10 years sober. For 5 years we had to spend lots of money on attorney fees, fees for bi-monthly readings on the BAIID unit that was attached to the ignition in his truck, fees for work permits, gas, car repairs, the list goes on and on. During that time, I had to drive my husband to and from work which was a 45 min drive one way. That time was a gift from God! We got to know each other all over again. It drew us closer together, drew him closer to our boys and drew him closer to God. It was a struggle but I stood by him. I couldn't leave now, God was answering my prayers. We endured a lot but through all that God re-shaped our lives and saved our marriage. 

While some of the 5 dance steps are difficult to get through, I am willing to work through them to keep my marriage alive. Are there days that it is really tough? YES!!!! But I know with God's help and our commitment to each other we can get through the adversities!